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- Knighted for Chaos: The Curious Case of Sir Andrew Haines
Knighted for Chaos: The Curious Case of Sir Andrew Haines
Ever wondered what it takes to get knighted in Britain? Apparently, running trains off tracks and burning through millions in taxpayer money is the secret sauce.
Benjamin James
January 21, 2025
Sir Andrew Haines, Network Rail CEO
Ah, perfect timing. While the rest of us were fending off indigestion and avoiding eye contact with distant relatives, Network Rail’s CEO quietly waltzed off with a knighthood.
Yep, the man at the helm of Britain’s worst-performing railway in recent history – Merry Christmas, Sir Haines!
The numbers are a joke:
Delays went up 65% under his watch (9.2M to 15.2M minutes yearly)
Passengers lost 252 years of their lives to delays in the past decade
Network Rail paid £6.7M in fines for a single accident
Meet Andrew Haines, now Sir Andrew. He's been running Britain's rail infrastructure since 2018, earning £590,000 a year. In any private company, his track record might have led to a P45 instead of a knighthood.
On his watch, three people died in the Stonehaven derailment - a tragedy linked to poor drainage maintenance. Three railway workers also lost their lives in other accidents.
Yet somehow, the money kept flowing.
Network Rail handed out bonuses like they were Christmas crackers: 13,000 workers received £3,000 each, while senior executives pocketed £35,000 bonuses. (Though Sir Andrew, to his credit, didn't take one).
Network Rail have been fined millions for safety failures. An investigation found they weren't even clearing leaves from the tracks properly - causing a crash that hurt 14 people.
If you think this can’t get any worse...
In December 2023, thousands of passengers were stranded in the dark because of a power failure. Sir Andrew was on that same train, trying to calm furious passengers over the intercom. Imagine being the CEO, stuck in your own company’s mess.
This knighthood raises serious questions about accountability in British infrastructure. In most industries, this kind of performance would have shareholders demanding resignations, not doling out honours.
The real question isn't why he got a knighthood - it's how he kept his job at all.
(P.S. - If you're reading this on a delayed train right now, at least you can call the person responsible "Sir".)